Would I look douchey if I wore a bandana around my neck?

Are you a cowboy? If so, then no. Also, it depends on the color of the bandana, and whether you’re a douche. Good luck.

Ask me anything

I’m trying to come up with a name for the Twitter book club so it can have its own account.  But I can’t think of anything.  Please advise.

?

Because Emilys are all crazy and insecure and I don’t like them, so I go by Emmy, Ems, Em, or any variation thereof, HOWEVER, this is rather accurate:

Emily

Emilys don’t care what others think. However, they care about themselves. They don’t dress up for OTHERS, they dress up because they WANT to look good. Emilys are very open and gentle. These girls are creative to the max and tend to have artistic abilities. Emilys are fantastic friends and are absolutely adorable. If you find an Emily, hold onto her. She’s a keeper.

(Welcome back to Tumblr, self!  Ah yes, because Twitter remains an inadequate venue for me to eavesdrop on other people’s sense of community!  MEME)

selected definitions for Emmy on Urbandictionary.com:

A person who is admired by all. She inspires many critics and haters. Most of these people are just unable to live up to what she expects of them. An emmy is a friend that you can count on no matter what. She will be there with you through thick or thin. She will knife a bitch for you. Most importantly she is sexy as fuck and guys all over want to rock her world.

(all true, but I didn’t write any of it, I promise.)

1. blasphemous slimy creature that slithers where there are lemons present; sometimes referred to as ‘oh sh!t here it comes’. 
2. the act of doing ‘innapropriate and objectionable actions’ on a church altar.

I can’t go to any.  saddest face.  And I’m afraid that if I did you’d all be horrified by me.

Seriously.  I promise.  Ask me a goddamn question.

You don’t have to, really.  I’m just excited that I figured out how to do it.

What are your 5 favorite books, and why?

I can’t figure out how to use the Tumblr Ask function, but it did remind me of the Formspring questions I had not yet answered. So here goes.

5 Favorite Books

1. Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins: I’m a sucker for modern and original fairy tales, and I’m the kind of person who appreciates Robbins’s prose style, whimsical and ridiculous as it is. This book is the reason why I carried a pack of Camels with me for years before I started smoking.

2: A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole: The funniest fucking novel I’ve ever read, especially if you’re familiar with liberal arts and graduate students. I love ensembles and Toole not only creates the perfect ensemble for his setting, but executes it in the most perfect winding way.

3: The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: This is one of the first books I read by myself as a child, and I still read it every year or so as a reminder to go on living. On every reread, I pick up a new insight about the world.

4. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut: Blah blah blah, it’s cliche. Whatever. Kurt Vonnegut was, is, and always will be the man.

5. Everything is Illuminated: Dunno, I couldn’t think of another good #5 and it’s gorgeous.

How old were you your first time and what has happened to your first partner since then?

I was 18 - it was the last week of my freshman year of college and, as I was determined to lose my virginity during my freshman year of college, I took advantage of my date to XMen 3. His name was Andy, he had only done it once before, and he was awfully sweet about it. We ended up dating on and off for a year and a half, decided we had no long term future together, he graduated and is now doing something with computers.

His hobbies included pouring WD-40 into a bottlecap, freezing it with keyboard cleaner, and setting it on fire. He was not a terrific boyfriend, but he could have been worse.

So, if money was no matter what would be the most odd or unusual thing you’d have in your house? Oh, now that money is no matter you’re having your dream house custom built, so anything goes.

I have always wanted a room with an air-hockey floor - you know, little holes in the floor with warm air coming out of them. You could play a combination field/ice hockey game and the air would feel really cool on your feet.

I have also always wanted to have an empty swimming pool to hang out in, and a robot band.

This is a great question, question-asker! Consider yourself commended!

Your life is being turned into a biopic movie, who stars, what’s the title, and what is it rated?

The movie would be called “Dude, Where’s My Future.” I would be played by the grown-up baby from Juno, because I have the mannerisms of Michael Cera and the face of a fat Ellen Page. My father would be played by the love child of Ben Stein and Eugene Levy. My mother would be played by the love child of Kathy Bates and Rosie O’Donnell. My best friend Matt would be played by Clark Duke, @raptordactyl would be played by someone much prettier, kinder, and more well-loved than me, and Polk would be played by the main guy from Avatar.

It would be rated E for “Ehhh.”

Ask me anything